A Father's Discipline: Chapter 3

So we open with gratuitous "aren't I smart" dialogue--great choice, Proctor.  Apparently, she's some super-smart prodigy.  Calling it now:  We'll never see evidence of this.

After the author tongues Rose Ann's little butthole clean, we get to this disaster:

"I gave my team strict orders to find the best defense attorney available for my... well I think of him as my prize."

First, there's a difference between a lawyer and an attorney.  Is she a lawyer or an attorney, Proctor?  Make up your damned mind because the words are not interchangeable.

Second, I feel like a fucking prophet.  Look at my review for Chapter 2.  Now come back here.  What did you notice?  I claimed that James doesn't think of his own damned child as an autonomous human being.  Need I say more?

The worst part is that Rose Ann isn't shocked or taken aback by this in any way.  She just rolls with it like it is perfectly natural to think of one's children as fuck trophies to prove he once got laid.

The prose is not even internally consistent.  In the first sentence, Jimmy-boy gives a waitress his menu.  Later, the waiter gives him his coffee.  Yeah, sure, maybe someone else did something for a coworker, but it seems like an odd decision on the writer's behalf.

"Jim, I bet it's been a long time since a smiling woman waited on you."

I'll wait on you, motherfucker.  Want some wine before you go hunting?

That's just... that's just gross, Proctor.  What the fuck?

Rose Ann goes on to put sugar and cream in his coffee for him like a good properly subjugated slave woman.  I think this is supposed to be sexy talk. You know, like when romance writers have the characters flirt and say things suggestively then go bang later.  But no.  This "sexy" talk is, rather than a witty wordplay revolving around suggestive sex, suggests her serving him in marriage.  Like a good little Christian wife.  Yeah, fuck that right up Rose Ann's shiny starfish.

There's some conversation that goes on for a while.  Meanwhile, I am left to assume that the waiter is just standing there, because the author never mentions that he left.  Personally, I would probably be too shocked to move too, especially when Rose Ann says "Had a lot of practice making coffee for those... men bosses, you know."

Men... bosses?  This is a phrase?  I realize that more men than women are CEO's, but this isn't even about that--men bosses?

"Rose Ann, don't you ever get tired of dealing with cold hard facts?"

There's a necrophiliac penis joke in there somewhere.

"Jim was deeply impressed with Rose Ann."

How?  Impressed by what?  Her personality is as flat as a blank canvas.

"Talking to her was like coming home, to comfort, to refreshment."

Oh, the cliche!  It burns!  GET IT OFF ME!  By all means, use cliches when your characters talk or think, because we do that in real life, but make up something new for your prose!  You're an author--this is supposed to be the fun part!

As for how or why he feels that way, I'll assume Jimboy never dated after his wifey-poo kicked the can.  See, I can do cliches too, Proctor.

Jimmy-boy is just a lonely, unreasonably wealthy attorney who couldn't get a date after his wife died in that tragic wax tadpole accident.  Never says how or why she died, so wax tadpoles is what I'm going with.

"Maybe we could 'hang out' a bit.  It might be easier to get down to some cold hard facts."

My internal narrative now has James pinned as a zombie.  A zombie with a "I need to talk to your manager" haircut and a "cold hard fact" in his pants.

She responds, "Oh, do tell."

"The facts of the case, of course."

So Jimmy was indeed using "cold hard facts" as a euphemism.  Well, that's precious.  He's sexually frustrated.  Makes sense--masturbation being a sin and all.

"... ate most of the meal in silence as they visually studied each other's faces."

As opposed to listening to each other's faces?  Or rubbing their hands all over the other's face?

As for the prose in this scene, there really isn't any.  I've read movie and scripts with more character direction than this.  It is almost entirely dialogue.  Any "action" is done by... having characters announce what they are doing.

"So, your asking, shall we savor this moment?"

If the author had an editor or at least a proof reader, he should have made sure they had graduated middle school.

So anyway, the next day they go down to the beach and they walk with their arms around each other's waists and step perfectly in time with one another like a deranged marching band.

Rose Ann uses the opportunity to witness to him and tell him that Jesus cured her depression and after she accepted the Holy Ghost into her tight little pussy heart, she was happy.  She still has occasional bouts of depression, but all she needed was some good ol' Jesus lovin', as opposed to therapy or medicine, and she was cured and successful.

Useless science.

Useless.  All you will ever need is Jesus.  Everything else is a lie from Satan.  Science never gave us anything, they type out on their keyboard and publish as an e-book, completely missing the irony.

They both say "you know" almost very time they speak in this scene.  It's kinda like, you know, Proctor has never had a real conversation with another adult, you know?

Credit where credit is due:  They have kind of a cute clowning moment where Jim strikes a bodybuilding stance.

James Watkins:  Bodybuilding supermodel rich attorney.

Rose Ann is silly in turn, but this pleasant switch lasts two lines before she goes right back to Jesusing with, "Jim, you seem like a rock of faith with whom one could stand."

Except there are no closing quotation marks, so I am only left to assume that she said the next two sentences out loud, "The two of them moved slowly, yet resolutely within each other's intimate personal space.  Jim found himself gently clearing Rose Ann's beautiful hair from her face."

After the last scene, I can actually believe she said that.

Now, one might assume they'd kiss here.  One would assume wrong.  Great--avoiding a stereotype!  Not so great:  Useless drama.

Rose Ann moves away and reminds him that they have a professional relationship.  I'm a bit surprised that she didn't cite Jesus as her reasoning for not kissing him, but there is no way she did not see this as a date.  He asked her out the day before and was perfectly direct in it.  She even caught on to his euphemism.  They held each other as they walked on the fucking beach.  Who the fuck takes "their son's" lawyer/attorney for a walk on the beach while holding them?  Clearly, I know nothing of attorney-client relationships and this is a standard procedure.  Probably whole classes on it at Liberty University generic law school Rose Ann graduated from in the 10th percentile of her class.

"So... I hope we can get on with the cold hard facts of this case?"

James said that... out loud... to Rose Ann, after they playfully used it as a euphemism for his teeny peeny.  One would think this was in very poor taste, but she apparently doesn't remember their flirting the day before and takes it as a serious statement.

Or they kept romance out of their sex/professional life.  Nothin' wrong with that.

Ha--yeah right.  Rose Ann is a good Christian woman who graduated law school a virgin.

I honestly didn't expect this to be a romance.  That kind of took me by surprise, but I can't say yet if it's pleasant or not.  Yes, this book was selected randomly.  No, I have no regrets!  This is my hill and I will... gracefully retreat on it if necessary because fuck honor.  Thankfully, my life is not at stake and who needs sanity, so I will keep reading this garbage.  It's hilarious.