Please don't prove me wrong.
"The only consolation was that Rose Ann was deeply impressed with her, even in professional lawyer mode."
At first, I thought this might just be Jimmy boy observing Rose Ann and his secretary getting along, then I kept reading. It only get more confused.
There are two lines that seem like they should be flashback, but they are written as if the people speaking them are in the room. Using my imaginaaaaation, I am going to pretend that the sentence about Rosie Annie pushing "play" on a voice recorder existed.
"I hear the Lord saying for you to hold on to his righteousness."
Christians tend to capitalize "he" when referring to their god doing shit. They're usually really in your face about it. What is proof reading?
More importantly, Rose Ann hears voices and attributes these voices to her god. I realize this isn't unusual, but it is super creepy when people talk about this like it's totally normal. It's not normal to hear voices, people. We call that "schizophrenia". Of course, you know, psychology is a tool of the devil.
She goes on to say, verbatim I'm assuming, what the voices say. In my mind, she gets a deep manly voice and goes on to talk about Job being tested and discipline and other garbage.
"Jim pondered the words in his heart"
I wasn't aware that we could ponder with our hearts.
Rosie Annie goes on to say that she will "assume the role of a grieving mother" and basically use an emotional plea in "the prize's" defense.
"That should grip them right in the heart"
Ah, Christians. You're not allowed to swear or pretend that genitals exist, so I'll say it for you: Grip them right in the pussy.
They're going to plan for an all-female jury of mothers and grandmothers. Because, you know, it's unnatural for women to not have kids. And of course women will be so much easier on a teenager than a man and so much more likely to fall for an emotional plea. Sorry, no. As someone whose genitalia doesn't dangle, I find it much easier to ply the hearts of men than women. Why? Because women see through my bull shit and men are swayed by cleavage and tears.
They never think to use things like "first offence" or "he's a minor" or "good family" or "affluenza." Nope--plea to emotion. Logic!
They start teasing and flirting again and Jim teasingly threatens to "draw little witches all over [her] face". She is so terrified (?) of this that she backs up until her back hits a wall. They embrace, but it's all very prudish, then they use the "cold hard facts" line again and I wonder if I was drunk when I thought it was a euphemism. Is it a fucking euphemism? Or are the characters that unaware?
"Then we shall get the cold hard facts behind us, quickly."
Oh my god! This is the first chapter they actually say "Jim Junior" instead of "his son" or "prize" or what-the-fuck. I do hope they continue to use his name instead of treating him like an object.
Proctor always puts parenthesis around "hung out", implying to me that he's old and views this as hip slang, yet his grammar is atrocious. It's fine to use it if your characters are speaking--I'll just assume they are using air quotes and they think it's hip slang--but don't do it in prose.
James offers to go with Rose Ann to Colorado to see his sister during the investigation. Am I supposed to assume that the "best prosecutor in the city" has so little to do that he can take a vacation to Colorado? And here I thought lawyers/attorneys were busy.
This gem: "I've always wanted to go to Colorado." In 2006 when this was copyrighted, what the fuck was there in Colorado that would make you "always want to go"? I mean, seriously?
I think Proctor was trying to make Jim facetious and charming when Jim asks Rosie dearest if she has ever ridden a horse then tells her that she'll be walking bow-legged.
As someone without Christian goggles on and has actually experienced good sex, this looks like nothing short of "I want to bang you until you walk bow-legged and I am the size of a horse". Do Christians see it and go "Oh, how cute--he's being silly and his sister probably has horses and he's asking her to go riding with him"?
He picks her up and says she needs "some R and R". She says that he is an "incurable romanticist." I assume she says this deadpan with no voice inflection, because Proctor never included any of her reactions to this.
Compliment fucking sandwich: It cuts off as if the next thing will be a sex scene, and this is normal. This is how adults behave, especially in a romance novel. I know it will take a turn, but there it is.
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